Some church people really suck.

Here's a conversation I had with my wife yesterday. Read it and laugh or weep, depending on your particular circumstance. I thought it was priceless. Your mileage may very.

Michelle: "Someone wants me to counsel them."

Ken: "So what's the hold up?" (I figure she's been through hell and back with me in the ministry and she can handle pretty much anything.)

Michelle: "If you'll just wait a minute I'll tell you what she needed." (Testy or comfortable with me?...We've been married 19 years. Comfortable.)

Ken: "Yes, dear."

Michelle: "One of my friends at work moved to FBC ____________ about a year ago. She and her husband joined the young married's class. They saw a huge need to do baby showers and take dinners to first time mothers after they deliver."

Ken: "Okay."

Michelle: "Here's the rub. The teacher's wife is mad at her because the class has tripled in the last year."

Ken: "Let me guess. The teacher and his wife have been at FBC ___________ their whole life."

Michelle: "Exactly. The teacher's wife chewed her out in front of brand new members and said, 'There's no reason to give baby showers to new mothers. We've never done that.' My friend was really embarrassed. She went to the education minister and told him what was going on. He told her to keep doing what she's doing."

Ken: "So what's her problem? Why did she ask you about it?"

Michelle: "The lady blew up again in a very public venue. It embarrassed my friend so much she's beginning to wonder if they need to just leave the church. What should I tell her. She can't let that hag win."

Ken: "Well, they won't exercise church discipline. Not at an FBC, and especially since the lady's been there forever. Tell her to go to the education minister with her husband and ask if they can start a new Sunday School class."

Michelle: "Just bypass her and let her have her little piece of real estate?"

Ken: "Tell her to plow around the stump. The education minister gets the kudos for starting another Sunday School class, the hag gets her own thing, and your friend gets to keep doing ministry.

Michelle: "That's why we do church planting now honey."

Ken: "Yep."

The last time we had a small group leader that caused problems the elders gave them administered Matthew 18. Imagine that, church discipline. After three attempts to correct and redirect the situation, they were asked to step down. They left the church. Thank God I don't pastor FBC wherever anymore...

My guess is you won't find these in your seminary bookstore

Seminary was great for me. I wanted to learn the original languages and get academic with it because I grew up in a very uneducated religious environment. Unfortunately, it seems as if the apple has fallen very close to the tree sometimes. Anyway, I busted my butt and made good grades. I'm actually academically eligible to purse a PhD. No thanks. I'll just keep doing what I do.

With that little blurb out of the way, let me share two books that I'm guessing you won't find in many seminary bookstores. It's a guess, because a lot of guys that I read about that are graduating from seminary haven't been schooled in the finer arts of leadership and environment creation. Maybe this little mention will multiply and help a church planter or struggling pastor out there. I've learned more about church planting and leadership in the last two months than in the last ten years.

The first book is First Impressions, Creating WOW Experiences in Your Church.
What a great book that let's you learn from Granger Community Church's mistakes. I didn't want to put it down because I recognized out much we needed to improve our church even though people already say it's friendly. No wonder our back door is more like a revolving door! I'm getting 15 copies and making it mandatory reading for all of our team leaders. You can buy it here.

The second book, Simply Strategic Stuff, is what my buddy Gary said was a good bathroom read. I agree.

It's short 99 chapters make it excellent book to kill a few spare minutes. But it goes beyond that. The chapters are pithy, usable helps to make your church function at a much higher level. It should be a staple for all church planters or anyone that's drowning in details or hitting organizational snags. Buy it here. Share the love. Maybe I'll be as eloquent and well read as my buddy Charlie Pharis someday.

A really good project minus the f-bomb

I wasn't a fan of U2 back in the days of Under a Blood Red Sky or Joshua Tree. In retrospect, it was/is good music but back then I was fighting the whole alternative scene and desperately clinging to my VanHalen and Boston LPs. I knew U2 had a spiritual bent but I honestly was clueless about postmodern thought and methods.

I'm still clueless about a lot of things, but I understand the method and brand of spirituality of How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb. The lyrics on this project are really good. The music is polished and I must admit the acquired taste is very pleasing. Yahweh is an especially good song. Not one that our Jewish friends will cling to soon. Maybe they should have released an alternate version entitled Adonai. OK, maybe that's a bit too PC.

Mostly, I like the project because the band doesn't drop the f-bomb or anything else of the sort. I was disappointed when Bono let it slip a while back. I think if I ever ran into him I would, as a brother in Christ, call his hand on it. I am dying to know how he would respond...In humility or in the arrogance that comes with rock icon status? I'll probably never know.

Bottom line...if you're even close to liking U2 I recommend this project. It's well worth the $9.72 at WalMart.

It's been a while....No, not the Staind song

It's been a while since I blogged. I've been busy, and blogging takes as much discipline as a daily devotional for some reason. Blogging gets pushed down the "to do" pile more quickly than other things.

By the way, why do modern rock bands have to curse so much? Why can't they just talk about drugs like they use to? Whatever happened to backmasking? Where are the good guitar solos outside of obscure, non-linear progressive rock bands nowadays? Why can't I be as funny as my friend Tony or Charlie? For the love of Pete, why?

Do not give this journalist a Guinness...

This is not the most 'brilliant!' headline in recent memory: Bush Pushing Agenda in State of Union . Imagine that...a President pushing his agenda in a State of the Union address? Unbelievable.

As a pastor, I know how hard it is to be a creative communicator. Coming up with a headline is like coming up with a sermon title. It's the most difficult part of communicating for me. I have, in some instances, simply made the textual reference my sermon title when I'm doing a Bible study but I've never done something like "God is good" or "Jesus loves you" for a sermon title.

I guess what frosted me about the headline was that it insulted my intelligence. Now that I think about it, I should be more careful in how I come up with sermon titles and how I communicate in general. Just now I somehow I feel as if God just poked me in the chest in a Sean Connery-like way and said to me, "Here endeth the lesson."

I love that movie...